There’s No Crying (excerpted from There’s No Crying in Construction):

      One of the women I interviewed told me a story about being confronted very early in her career by a man who was screaming in her face because, as she came to find out later, she had replaced a woman who did not do well with men and had been antagonistic with him, and in his mind she was just the substitute. She did not reply to the man’s scolding but turned on her heel and ran to the women’s bathroom, where she dissolved in tears. This scenario played out for several months, until one day he came up to her and said, “You know, I think that you were born to be working here!” She felt as though her heart would soar. She told me, “You know, I know in my heart that if I had broken down in tears in front of this man, I would have never received the validation that I finally did. It was worth it.”

Fitting In (excerpted from There’s No Crying in Construction):

      One woman I interviewed is the only female partner in a seven-partner CPA firm. When the seventh partner came into the firm, she could sense that he felt very uncomfortable with her. He had never been on the same level as a woman professionally. He did not know what to say around her or how to act around her; in short, he had no clue as to how he was supposed to behave around her. Consequently, their relationship was stymied to the point that he went out of his way to have as little contact with her as possible.

      She tried everything to get him to loosen up around her. She tried seeking him out for input; she tried joking with him. But try as she might, nothing seemed to work.

      One day all the partners were heading to a lunch meeting together and were all piling into a large SUV. She was a little late joining the guys, and this particular partner was kidding around with the other men as she joined the group. He was unaware of her presence and was making the other guys laugh as he was doing suggestive things with a neck pillow. She opened the car door, and he looked up in horror, suddenly aware that she had viewed his entire escapade. What did she do? She did what came absolutely natural to her. She burst out laughing! Ever since that day, they have had a wonderful rapport.

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